A Truly Eye-Opening Encounter in the Pub Restroom Procession

Shortly before the festive season, I experienced an extraordinary episode. I think it was beneficial for me. This took place at a gathering of a group of longtime companions, who are, as it happens dental professionals, but that’s not pertinent. The attending crowd were all blokes, which proves to be key.

A Novel Scenario

The location was a pub/restaurant enjoying a brisk business. A wasted daytime was had by all. Nice fare, good drink and surprisingly humorous stories about oral health. As expected, the time arrived for visits to the men's room. Those who went, I vaguely observed, appeared to be away a significant period. I didn't ponder why this could be, but when it was my go, the mystery was solved.

Rounding the corner, and what awaited me but a long queue for the gentlemen’s toilet. Not a single person waiting for the female facilities, but a considerable queue for the men’s. What strange new world was this? This was an unfamiliar scene any of us in this line knew.

A Sample of the Norm

For the avoidance of doubt, I do not seek or anticipate sympathy from any lady here. I am obviously aware that, for ladies, being forced to wait to use a restroom is the norm. How many times have I witnessed women queuing in a row while men in the same establishment have to do no such thing?

Beyond the hassle of standing in line to use a facility, there’s a whiff of humiliation about standing there, awaiting something that men generally don’t have to experience. It was truly bracing to experience a dose of it myself, watching the opposite gender walk straight through the entrance while I was obliged to line up dutifully in queue with my companions, angling away at whatever we had in our pockets and checking our mobile devices.

The Practice of Restroom Line Conversation

There’s a entire conversational genre here – toilet queue chitchat – of which men have minimal knowledge. Women, I imagine, have become adept to be fairly skilled at it, sharing pleasantries and an interesting comment or two.

Regarding this I’ve polled some lady acquaintances of my knowledge. The consensus is that intra-queue interaction is limited to the rare eye roll and the phrase: “Screw this, I’m going to use the gents'.” A workmate told me it’s only at the hand-washing stations later that conversation tends to begin.

If I was a lady, I’d refrain from on both small talk or quiet. If I was obliged, repeatedly, to queue in a common queue simply for the privilege to empty my bladder, I’d express my fury like nobody’s business at the pure unfairness of it. A useful measure for any modern community would be balanced access in wee queue durations. I’m researching data on this.

Brotherly Chat in the Line

During my time in my wait, I tried to get some friendly chat started about this new situation of ours. I tutted a bit, showed exasperation and uttered something along the lines of: “So, this is an disagreeable change, right lads?”

A fellow smiled, a second appeared confused, a third looked sheepish. Another shook his head as if this was yet another example of modern woes, political correctness etc. Otherwise, silence reigned. A man came out, zipping up. The line shuffled up a position. Two more men entered the end of it. I sighed.

A Knowing Interaction

A lady wafted out of the next-door restroom, all clean and unhurried. It was just fine for some. I beamed bashfully at her, trying to express acknowledgement of this reversed scenario. She remarked: “Don't come to me for solidarity, you blighter. Return when you’ve done this a hundred more times and then I could give you the time of day.”

Truthfully, she did not utter that. She uttered nothing. But I am convinced that’s what she was implying. And I honestly wouldn’t fault her.