This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we reflect on the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third series began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the least of this show's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.